


Homecoming

by TheStayPuftMarshmallowMan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Death, Dialogue-Only, Drabble, Gen, Hey, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Is a prevalent theme, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Stream of Consciousness, Suicidal Thoughts, That was a thing, deadbeat dads, remember when Lance died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 19:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15444492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStayPuftMarshmallowMan/pseuds/TheStayPuftMarshmallowMan
Summary: As team Voltron draws closer to Earth, Lance attempts to come to terms with his mortality.---“Hey ma.”“Did you know I died?”(Angsty. Would not recommend if suicidal thoughts trigger you. I hope you enjoy)





	Homecoming

“Hey ma.”

“Did you know I died?”

 

…

 

“Yeah...I, uh...I saved Allura - the alien princess - from being killed by a beam of pure energy. Didn’t even think about it.”

 

…

 

“I think, now...I think that I would think. Or hesitate, at least. Back then, I was young. In love - infatuation. I felt...invincible. I guess piloting an impenetrable robot lion does that. Good always wins, right?”

“Not always. I died.”

 

…

 

“Jesus, I  _ died _ . I actually, no joke,  _ died _ for fifteen, twenty minutes. I know I was frying for at least five of those. God, what was I  _ thinking _ ?”

 

…

 

“You know, if Allura wasn’t able to revive me, I wouldn’t be talking about this right now. I still don’t understand how she did it. Even in the Harry Potter universe you can’t bring back the dead. What makes me so special?”

“Sometimes...sometimes I wish she hadn’t brought me back.”

 

…

 

“I don’t mean that. You know me, ma, I’m not suicidal. I might be clumsy, accident-prone, hell, even  _ self-destructive _ , but I would never and have never willingly and consciously tried to end my own life. I guess that space changes you. In my case, self-destructive turned to self-sacrificial.”

“And boy, have I had enough space.”

 

…

 

“I’m not even talking about literal space, you know? Not  _ outer space _ , where I’ve been living - trapped - for the past year and a half. No, I feel more isolated out here than I ever have before. It’s new for me. I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, I got used to not being around you guys when I moved to Arizona for school, huh?”

“But then you were just a phone call away.”

 

…

 

“Fuck, sorry ma, I reckon Pidge could’ve made a communicator that could connect to earthern satellites. She’s a genius, for God’s sake. It was just ‘non-essential’. Irrelevant. Like, hell. Keith has no family on earth, Shiro has been presumed dead for years, Pidge’s father and brother were already out here and her mother knew she was disappearing and Hunk? Well, Hunk’s always been good at adapting. I don’t doubt that he misses his mother and sister but...there’s always something else to focus on. He knows he’s protecting the earth and as such his family by fighting this godforsaken war, and that’s enough for him.”

“I wish it were enough for me.”

 

…

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not...I don’t...I haven’t...well. I was about to say that I haven’t considered leaving the team, but that would be a huge lie.”

“I’ve thought about it so often, it’s become normal.”

 

…

 

“They don’t need me. I mean, Team Plunk sounds stupid, doesn’t it? Phance? Lundge? No. Shiro’s...I mean, we could form a ‘dead squad’ or something. Share war stories. But I don’t think he likes being reminded of that. Plus...we’ve never really...seen eye to eye. On anything. I think he thinks I’m too immature or childish or something. Like you can’t survive out here without being anything but focussed, patient and obedient twenty-four seven.”

“Patience yields focus. Suck my ass.”

 

…

 

“I don’t know if you caught on yet or not, ma, but I am drunk as  _ balls _ . Coran packed his Nunvil, fuck knows why,  _ sabe como mierda _ , but it gets the job done…”

“...Ma, I’m scared. I’m scared of turning into someone I’m not and I’m scared that I already have.”

“I’m so fucking terrified,  _ ni siquiera es gracioso _ .”

 

…

 

“I have...I have this huge, whop-ass scar on my back now. Did you know that?”

“...Course you didn’t. You’re not here. But I got it ages ago, now. Like, first week out here. First day? I forget. It all...blurs together. One big blur of nothing and everything. Just...a huge swipe, like Mateo’s paintings.”

“I, uh...I jumped in front of Coran. Behind Coran? On top? Somewhere. Protecting him from getting blown up.”

“It was Pidge’s drone. She called it Rover. I just...something felt wrong. I don’t know what it was, gut instinct or just the fact that Pidge wasn’t with it, you know? But yeah. I covered Coran and…”

“My back got pretty torn up. Apparently there’s this massive burn slash gash thing there. Course, for all the Alteans do have, the one thing they don’t have are handheld mirrors. Because who needs something so primitive?”

 

…

 

“I miss you, ma.”

 

…

 

“I wish I’d never gone to the Garrison. Just stayed home. Community college with Marco and Luis. Same high school as Roni.”

“Why did you let me go?”

 

…

 

“It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to be with pops so bad. I miss him too. Even though...even though he doesn’t deserve it. He was an ass, I know that now, but...he wasn’t bad to me. He set up my telescope for me.”

“Did you know, I rang his cell on my eleventh birthday? Ha, who am I kidding. Of course you knew, you’re  _ ma _ .”

“We talked for...gee, ten minutes? That was all it took for my picture-perfect childhood dream to be ruined. I guess six-year old Lance was a gullible idiot.”

 

…

 

“Is it wrong for me to wish that he’d survived? If he had, maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to be a pilot and then would never have joined the Garrison and wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t have died.”

 

…

 

“It all comes back to that, huh. Death.”

 

…

 

“I don’t really remember it. God, I can’t stop crying. I mean, of course I remember it. It was like...floating. It wasn’t really warm or cold and I couldn’t feel anything. No pressure, no floor to stand on, nothing.”

“Newton’s first law of motion states that every object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line until acted upon by an external force.”

“Death feels like...like that. There are no external forces and no internal forces. Just constant rest.”

 

…

 

“Fuck, if my seventh grade science teacher could hear me now. I can feel the gold star. If being drunk does this to my memory, I should have become an alcoholic years ago.”

 

…

 

“I didn’t mean that.”

 

…

 

“Ma, I think...I think maybe...maybe I am. Maybe...maybe I do wanna...wanna...stop. Everything. But...at the same time…”

 

…

 

“I don’t wanna die, ma! I don’t! Why won’t it stop? I just want to be left alone!”

 

…

 

“There’s this window. In Red, towards the back. I guess, eyes in the back of her head. Red’s my lion by the way. Or, well, loaned. Borrowed? I’m the temporary pilot.”

“Anyway. This window. I’m pretty sure it can open, which would make it an airlock. That’s a whole other bag to unpack at a different time. The window. At the moment we’re on this planet. Lots of mountains. We’re on the summit of one of the tallest ones. It’s got a breathable atmosphere, don’t worry.”

“I can see the stars. And...and I can find  _ our _ constellations. Earth’s. I...I’ve forgotten some of the names. Some of the shapes. And they’re not exactly right. But! But I remember enough.”

 

…

 

“This means we’re close now, ma. I’m coming home.”

**Author's Note:**

>  _sabe como mierda_ = it tastes like shit  
>  _ni siquiera es gracioso_ = it's not even funny
> 
> Please feel free to correct me on those! I don't speak Spanish, so I used Google translate (oops).
> 
> I hope you liked this! I would like to make an accompanying piece from someone else's perspective (Hunk or Keith's probably) where they help Lance because I'm a sucker for a happy ending. However, I'm a bit dry for inspiration at the moment so it'll probably be a while. Usually, I write descriptively, so this was a real change in pace. It's difficult to convey everything you want to when you're limited to what the character is saying, especially when it's a completely one-sided conversation. In my head, he's curled in a ball, with several empty bottles around him. Tears, but not loud ones, because I figure Lance is not the person to be broadcasting his negative emotions - it's clear he's got a pretty strong mask.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and see you next time!  
> ~Marshy


End file.
